Rockefeller’s Birth Story

I’m fascinated that not one birth story is like another, this just happens to be mine…

I always envisioned myself having a baby at a hospital — until I watched the ‘Business of Being Born.’ It sparked my interest of the midwifery route. The thought of having options and being able to design the environment you want was appealing.

I was planning on the hospital route but then at 26 weeks we decided to tour Thrive Birth Center. When I walked in it felt peaceful, almost the vibe you get when you walk into a spa. Hot tea, dried fruits and nuts, lavender scented diffuser, books and a comfy couch. We entered the birthing suite and immediately we decided we wanted to have our baby there.

When I made the switch my checkup appointments were different. There was no waiting area, no paperwork and no machines. There was women connecting with me, asking how I’m feeling — not just physically, but mentally. The presence of hormones often led me to have emotional conversations with the midwives, deciphering the fear from excitement. After all, I should get vulnerable with them, they were soon going to be delivering my baby!

At my 32 week checkup they felt around on the top of my belly and wondered if that was the head. I had thought it was his butt the whole time nudging around my belly button area. Jasmine, a midwife, believed it was the head. Remember no machines, just feeling and gut instincts. This was a challenge for me because up to this point I always thought his head was down. I ended up going to an imaging center for an ultra sound to validate the finding — Of course, Jasmine was right, he was in fact breached. Jasmine had offered to turn the baby in a future session, if at home techniques didn’t do the trick. This is when I started to get my education on about child birth!

Hip spiraling, inverted positions, deep visualization, child’s pose for 45 min , moxa stick— yes all of the above I practiced over and over hoping that the baby would just…turn.

He didn’t. This is when I started to become concerned about labor. The stories I’ve heard, the videos I’ve watched — but finally I was able to detach myself from those preconceived notions and made a conscious effort that this was going to be my own unique journey, one that no one else has had. I think that is the true beauty of this life experience is that although the result is the same from one women to another — the experience is NEVER the same.

The home exercises didn’t turn him, so I went in to have Jasmine do it. For about 30 minutes of manual maneuvering over my belly she guided the baby down. Uncomfortable at times yes, but mission accomplished.

Now he was in position and I was ready to embrace the experience. I did some hypnobirthing which was fun. I was able to have a recording to reference during times I was practicing deep relaxation. We also had a birth specialist come over to talk about the journey and the thoughts and feelings my body may experience. That’s when I decided to break down the word pain. What is pain? As a noun it’s, physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury. Childbirth is not an illness or injury so why must we call it pain?

I feel strongly that childbirth is a natural event that our bodies were made to handle. That’s why I trusted the midwifery approach because I believe it. This is the one time in your life where you can be 100% be in your own body, in the most primal state you’ve ever experienced.

Due date was January 8th. Typically I spend my holidays with my family in Arizona. The initial plan was to drive to AZ but the thought of an uncomfortable 11 hour car ride wasn’t what the baby and I needed.

Instead I crocheted a blanket while sitting on a yoga ball binge watching episodes of Grace & Frankie.

January 8th came and Rocco wasn’t ready to make his appearance yet.

Being “overdue” started another blizzard of education around natural induction techniques. I will say we had fun with this one.

The icing on the cake was what Alex and I called the “Oxytocinpalooza.” What can we do to release the feel good hormone oxytocin?? Good food, a nature walk and well yea that’s an obvious one ;-)

I was coming up on 41 weeks and a couple of days. I can only delivery at the birth center under 42 weeks. I really didn’t want to get to that point. I did a number of rounds of herbal tinctures that are supposed to help induce labor. Another night went by. Finally that morning, Alex went to work early it was MLK day and I asked him to give me a foot massage before he left and that I’d go back to sleep and hopefully wake up to my water breaking. Well it actually happened!! It wasn’t a full gush it was more of a trickle. The rest of the process was different than what you see in the movies. It wasn’t water break — contractions — labor. It was way more chill than that. Deedee and I actually did a Facebook live and danced around to keep that oxytocin present.

I labored at home for a while in a candlelit environment with essential oils and a yoga ball. Until contractions were about 5 minutes apart. I loved that I didn’t have to get to a certain threshold to go to the birth center. We went when I felt ready.

Once the contractions were about 5–6 minutes apart I felt like we should get in the car. We had a long day ahead of us. What ended up being a total of 14 hours.

I met my doula Lauren at the Birth Center. Lauren has a gift, she was crucial support for me. Hip compressions and massaging techniques helped to bare with the discomfort. We started over a yoga ball laboring, it was manageable but intensifying. I’m pretty sure I had my eyes closed the entire time.

At one point I felt the labor starting to occur in my back. Although Jasmine was able to turn the baby’s head down, he was face up- sunny-side up — not ideal positioning. Everything I read about back labor sounded terrible, I didn’t want to go down that path. Lauren said to me, “if we turn him labor will be less uncomfortable, I know how to turn him.” She had experience with a maneuver that literally can turn the baby to have the delivery be much more smooth. I opted in. She had me lay on my back on the bed ( I was on all fours for the entire time prior) the pressure was intensifying in this position. I then put one leg over the other in a spinal twist. When the contraction peaked she then held down the opposite side of my hip until the contraction subsided. HOLY $&#!. We did this for 5 minutes on each side. At one point, I literally remember feeling him turn and I got super nauseous and vomited. This was the first time I got sick in 9 months. She did it — we did it — we turned him.

After that I felt ready to get in the warm tub, I was dilated enough to get into the water. Being buoyant felt good. It was time for me to get comfortable. Little did I know I was about to push for 4 hours.

I decided to have my mom come in for this stage. I contemplated having visitors and as her first born I wanted share this experience with her.

Alex was engaged and kept me warm, pouring the water on me every couple of minutes. Lauren did not skip a beat hydrating me after every.single.contraction. I knew the hard work was coming up.

I felt strong. I felt ready. I felt prepared. It was getting uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable. I kept switching positions in the tub, on my side, on my back, squatting, I felt really heavy. At this point Caitlin was taking the baby’s heartbeat in the water after every contraction. Everything was fine.

I remember asking the midwives, “are you going to tell me when to push?” All the imprints I’ve had, I thought that’s what happens! They said, “you are going to know when to push.” At that moment I became curious. Well how would I know? Literally minutes later, I felt exactly what they were talking about! Time to push.

It was during this time that I recall thinking to myself — I now understand why women get epidurals. The sensations were beyond intense. I now understand why some view this as a traditional or non-traditional route. It really is up to interpretation of how you see this experience. I knew there was no turning back now. I tapped into the thoughts I had banked in my mind for when I felt like giving up and when it became very hard. Like remembering there are tens of thousands of woman around the world right now in labor. If they can do it I can too.

The pushing was insane. I’ve never worked so hard in my life. My savasana’s in between contractions were so extremely valuable. I relaxed, I steadied my breath and I was ready for the next one. Thank goodness for my bikram yoga practices. I knew how to work hard then relax deeply and use my breath to give me strength.

When I pushed, I gave everything I could. OMG his head was coming out and then going back in. I can’t even tell you how many times this happened. I felt incremental progress not moving fast enough for me. It became really, really frustrating. I pushed so hard and he wouldn’t come out. Four hours of active pushing.

I couldn’t give up. I kept tapping into those power sources. You are designed to do this, tap into the energy of all the other women doing this same exact thing! At last his head was through. I don’t know, I thought once the head is through he would just slip out. I didn’t think about having to push is shoulders through! It was so surreal. His head was out submerged in water. I wanted him out.

I really felt the contractions charging me with power. I knew that I had a chance after every savasana to work really hard. At one point I shouted out “give me another contraction!”, because I made sense of the fact that for each contraction I had, the closer I was to seeing him.

I was getting restless and frustrated that it was taking so long and I was running out of things to think about. Alex suggested I get into a squat for my last and final position. I knew this push would be it, I wasn’t going to stop until he was out. I literally felt every limb come out of me, it was unbelievable! I did it! Alex was right behind me and Caitlin delivered him into my lap. I was in absolute shock. I held him and then they said well what is it? My stunned reaction forgot to immediately confirm if it was a boy or a girl — “it’s a boy” I shouted — and the tears of joy started to flow around me — as they are again now.

9 lb, 4oz baby, I still can’t believe I did it. This might be TMI for some but I have to share because I think its interesting. That big of a baby and as a first mom, I was among the 5% that didn’t need stitches. The only thing I can attribute that too is that my muscles were prepped because I was in warm water pushing for 4 hours. This validated the reason why I opted into water birth.

Overall I loved the experience. I had so much strength, so much support around me. My husband looked at me so proud. I’ll never forget the way he looked at me for the hours after. It truly was beautiful. We got to take a nap in the room all 3 of us — except I didn’t sleep. I just stared at him in awe. We produced a beautiful, healthy huge human being.

Overall I felt prepared for labor and delivery but under prepared for everything that happened after. I thought the hardest part was done.

My milk never 100% came in. Nursing was excruciating pain most of the time. Literally saw stars. It wasn’t until about 6 weeks in that we identified he had a tongue tie — hence the pain. My supply was extremely low and I really didn’t want to supplement with formula that early on. I tried everything possible to prompt lactation. At one point I was taking 20 Fenugreek pills a day, listening to meditations to help with the let down, lactation cookies, compression, heating pads, nipple shields — nothing would work. Torture. Those breast pumps didn’t help the cause either. For the age of technology and innovation that we are in that product is in dire need of disruption. The amount of hours that I spent hooked up to a machine desperately watching drop after drop go into the bottle — it was brutal. I thought this part would’ve come naturally!

I was a wreck for the first month. Didn’t leave my room much. It was great to have the midwives come to my house for the weekly checkups.

I was recommended a lactation specialist. I was desperate to make this work. In hindsight I wish I didn’t spend the money because in the end it was ineffective. I do think its essential to have a lactation specialist present for the very first time the baby latches to make sure all is well. I was tolerating pain thinking that was just how it is.

Don’t get me wrong we were able to still have our bonding experience with some nursing but we fed him through a syringe for the first couple of months.

Thankfully, I live in a very kind and generous town and found a Facebook group for milk donations. I couldn’t believe this group existed. The stories posted of these little babies in need of liquid gold were just pouring in. I was able to connect with a couple of mamas who donated their surplus of milk for Baby Rocco. I had him on breastmilk for 9 months then switched to an international formula I found that was the best I can find.

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He’s been a bundle of joy every day.